My Mid-life Smackdown

Scenes from My Full-Frontal Midlife Smack Down

Wicked Awesome Quotes: Life

not the say it's supposed to be
I’m taking a deep breath and nodding as I read this one.  I know this with all my head.  My heart is still lagging behind.  Yes.  A part of me still wants life to be the way I think it’s supposed to be.

50 something years on the planet and I’m still learning how to let go gracefully.  Mostly I hang on like a bird firmly attached to her perch.

It’s exhausting…


~the mess

Wicked Awesome Quotes: NO

yes no meaninglessThink about this one.  Think about it long and hard.  I have been guilty as charged.  Thankfully its never to late to learn a new lesson.  Personally I think “middle age” is all about learning to claim our right to say “NO”.  And as The Man always says… “no is a complete sentence.”


~the mess

The Selfie Challenge

Trying to Find the Center of Myself (a.k.a. being self-centered)

real womanI only rarely publish an image of myself on the Facebook Page.  Oh I may sneak some body part in a photo and not tell you it’s my hand or foot. On occasion I am drawn to pair pictures of myself with words. There seems to be a common denominator in the theme.

Woman looking inside herself – searching for her voice – just wanting to be loved.

This is an uncomfortable post for me because posting images of myself seems so damned self-absored. But who I am I kidding? I am absorbed in myself. I’m questing and questioning all the fucking time.

The posters are in order of appearance, from newest to oldest. Like any other artist, I cringe looking at the earlier stuff.  What was I thinking with some of those fonts?! The newest of the lot feels the most vulnerable of all even with the superimposition of my face and a fascinating tree.  The hollowed out eye is so revealing about how I feel at times. And and the twisted tree with a blood red cast across my face reminds me of sinew. I find it both scary and beautiful.

Putting myself out there gets uncomfortable. Vulnerability kicks in. Self-awareness became self-consciousness. I refer to those moment of acute self-consciousness as “In the Garden” or “Adam and Eve” moments.  They had been naked, open, and free in the Garden of Eden until Eve ate the Apple from the tree of knowledge… and in an instant shame set in. Today I decided “what the hell”?  I hope some of you relate; if “selfies” don’t do it for you, then move along.  There’s nothing much to see here. ;-) But if you stay. And if any of it strikes a chord within you, then please accept my invitation:

I’d like you to pair the right words or a favorite quote with a selfie and share it with us.  Be creative.  You don’t even have to show us your face. Let’s be intimate and try real “in-to-me-see”. I hope you’ll share with us because it helps us see more clearly into ourselves. I know you. You have lots to say and this is a safe place for you to be heard.

I’m serious.  I want your own self-portraits with words on them or under them (if you aren’t a poster maker) here. You can upload them to the comments section under this post. I won’t use them for any other purpose, but just remember, it is the internet and you never know where they might end up. Don’t post something you don’t have the copyright to or would regret finding on Pinterest or elsewhere. Any hey…no naughty bits – okay?


~the mess

pause and be happy

don't matter.001




rainbow girl.001

depth of her spirit

She found herself…


she found herslef

It never ceases to amaze me how surprised I can be when betrayal sneaks up behind me.  I have a nose for untrustworthy people.  The problem is I let my good-natured, kindhearted self override my internal wisdom.  It’s that part of me that wants to believe all people are really good at their core.

If only I would start listening to myself. I can tell almost instantly when actions and words don’t match. But  I manage to give the wrong people the benefit of the doubt. And often the right people experience the wrath of my fears.

As I write this, I’m beginning to wonder if I end up being a bad judge of character because it’s more important to me to be liked than safe? Damn. I think that’s it. I think I’m so eager to be pleasing. To be liked. That I leave my own side and take the other person’s side.  I give them the benefit of the doubt. I make excuses for them to explain the incongruence between their actions and their words.

Oh boy.  This feels big.  I’m going to have to sit with that an let it simmer a bit.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on why you might give people the benefit of the doubt too easily or too early in relationships.


~the mess

She found herself shocked to see who was gone and who was still standing next to her after the winds of adversity blew through her life.  It was even more shocking to discover her intuition had been right all along. She needed to start paying attention to what she already knew!!

  Who is She? 

Music That Moves:

She wanted to believe…


heroine of her own life

This one is for the new year.

I feel like Lemony Snicket’s been to visit and through a series of unfortunate events (a.k.a. life) my awe and wonder quotient is a little low these days.  Or rather I should say, my wondering about awful quotient is too high.

There’s actually lots of magic in my life at the moment.  I just need to be willing to look past some of the darker bits and let myself be blown away again by the wonder of it all.  But I think I’m like a kid who discovered when she put on Super Man’s Cape at Halloween she couldn’t actually fly.  She suspected it all along. It wasn’t really much of a tragedy to her overall being, but it was a GIANT loss of innocence. We need to grieve our losses of innocence or we get stuck hanging on to false hope or we give up all hope.  Neither is a very good space in which to operate.

My wish for me in 2014 is to walk through my own gateway to awe and wonder again and claim my spot as the heroine of my own my life story.  My wish for you is… for you to know exactly what you are wishing for.


~the mess

She wanted to believe that she could find the awe and wonder in life again and not just wonder about the awful. She didn’t like admitting it, but she wanted a superhero to rescue her. Today she realized it was time to rewrite the script.  Enter a new character…She decided to cast herself as the heroine of her own life.

  Who is She?

Music That Moves

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You are beautiful. You are not broken. Your head knows this, but you don’t always feel it in your heart. I can help with that.