Soul Mates…

…and all that Jazz


You may have noticed that under my “About Moi” section I have tab called “25 Random Things“. The fifth of the 25 items is probably one of my most commented on items.  Seems only fair to bring that nugget to surface and give it it’s own post.

5. I’m pretty sure we have more than one soul mate.

Someone asked me today to expound on this. Here goes….


~when you meet a soul mate, one thing is prepared for this~

~when you meet a soul mate, one thing is certain…be prepared for this~

First of all let me say that I don’t necessarily equate a soul mate with a romantic partner. However I do believe that soul mate relationships have an intensity, connection, and magnetism unlike other relationships. Soul mate come into our lives to teach us. Elizabeth Gilbert does an excellent job of describing a soul mate relationship.

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…

truly seen

I don’t think you necessarily recognize a soul mate immediately, but you certainly might. They come in the shape of friends, lovers, parents, siblings, bosses, employees, etc. For me, as a therapist, I am certain I have soul mate relationships with some of my clients. Before you get up in arms and cry “dual relationships”, no boundaries have to be crossed to realize that the two of us came together to do some very important work. And yes, sometimes I even learn more than I teach.

im a lesson

A few of my soul mates include (in order of appearance):

  • my high school drama teacher
  • a cousin of mine on my Dad’s side who lives in Illinois
  • my best friend from 9th grade with whom I have very little contact today
  • a special boyfriend when I was 19
  • The Man (I hope that’s obvious)
  • the psychologist who was my supervisor when I finished graduate school (A tumultuous relationship which ended poorly)
  • Moon Pie
  • A man named Fred who shall forever and always be associated with the color of the setting sun in Texas in August.
  • A man named Fred’s goofy partner and the sharer of my brain
  • my dog Freddie (yep… named after the man named Fred.)
  • a friend who helped me learn to love words and the English language (another rather tumultuous relationship)
  • clients with whom I played a pivotal role in their growth and a few who have played a pivotal role in my growth both personally and professional
  • a therapist or two (or three) of mine

physical attractions

I also think we can confuse sexual chemistry with soul mates. Just because you are sexually attracted to someone doesn’t mean you’ve met The One. And certainly sometimes it does. Just because you feel a special warmth and connection with a person doesn’t mean you have to have sex with them either (ponder that a bit….)

….get the idea?



~the mess



Music That Moves

Oh my.  I Have Loved You Before, sung by Melissa Etheridge.

  28 comments for “Soul Mates…

  1. Tanya
    March 2, 2016 at 6:31 am

    I resonate with this so much…

  2. February 10, 2014 at 10:50 am

    still searching for mine..wanting to be someone elses..soulmate..sounds wonderful..

  3. richard
    January 31, 2014 at 6:46 am

    this was very helpful, its been a year since I”v lost my soul mate, and sometimes the pain sneaks up on me like this morning. Sometimes I feel I need her to make me whole, to be one with everything, to speak poetry again, but if my soul mate did no leave, I never would have grown and transformed as I have in the last year. Its good to know their are other quotes that speak to my heart and speak of love and loss. Regardless of what happens with our soul mates, I am grateful I am now awake and have been shown the power within.

  4. TheDarkKnight
    January 29, 2014 at 9:16 am

    When you meet your soul mate, you are extremely fortunate if you have the capacity or even freedom to be allowed to recognize them for who they are to you immediately. It may take some time. I pray that anyone reading this site does not do what I did, that is recognize their soul mate but not have the courage and the strength of character to do what was necessary to be with them. To not be aware and let them go is a crime but such a crime you get life for your ignorance but to do as I did, to be aware of who they were and to let them go means I get the chair for my crime. Now I live with a pain I know I cannot quench. It feels like a mental illness cause it never leaves my thoughts. Its absolute torture. The greatest love can also bring the greatest pain..I wish this on no one

    • Leena
      October 21, 2014 at 10:08 pm

      I can relate. I met mine in college…lost contact…then reconnected. He preceded his visit with love letters and gifts. I was very happy at reconnecting after 20 yrs. When he arrived, I learned he was on drugs and he learned I stank of cigarettes. I distanced myself…and he proposed to anthr drug addict. She left him half brain dead. I cared for my friend in the hospital and out. He is mostly okay….but I cry every single night at losing my soul mate, friend and future husband. How it hurts!

  5. Rajan
    January 21, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    I believe in this concept of soul mate in the same manner I believe in life, though I could feel it for someone and have not felt so strong before….though dont know how it will shape up

  6. Nafilkhan
    December 7, 2013 at 12:29 am

    I belivs in soulmate cuz I was able to find mine when I can open up anything bt never misunderstand,where I’m ego less,where I can cry out ma emotions…..Tis article moved me too

  7. judi
    September 28, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    I seriously agree with everything that you say. Your posts are like my unconscious mind is speaking. Thank you for helping me feel like it is OK to think and feel differently than most of the world.

  8. Gail
    September 28, 2013 at 10:55 am

    I too was so taken with this article. No it does not have to be a sexual relationship and that does not make you gay if it wasn’t. It is indeed “suadade” the Presence of Absence. I so awesomely get it.
    Thanks Mess.

  9. Jan
    September 28, 2013 at 6:32 am

    Makes You Deep Think and Backtrack….Thank You

  10. Mitzi Maxey
    September 28, 2013 at 6:14 am

    I am also new to your sight and have to say you inspire me daily! Thanks for sharing your insights. I have been on a journey to try to understand myself this article really puts a new light on things.

  11. Sarah
    August 11, 2013 at 9:37 am

    This article really connects with me. I’ve loved many over my lifetime and I could never understand why. They weren’t all lovers, though. Some were deep connections with friends that disappeared as quickly as they had come. I realize now that it was to get me through a rough situation or past a pivotal point in my life. Even though I don’t talk to some of them today, I am still grateful for the love and life they showed me.

  12. June 30, 2013 at 7:36 am

    I am new to your site…I have to say,I love it…..thank you for having this site.

  13. June 5, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    This post moved me! I have never believed in soul mates because I think there is more than one person out there to do life with… Now I understand soul mates are so much more than one person! Thank you for sharing! You opened me up to something new!

  14. Renee
    June 1, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    Namaste’. The soul in me recognizes the soul in you. When that happens, we realize that all is united in oneness. Blessed be, Mz Mess! R

  15. June 1, 2013 at 9:35 am

    I have searched and searched for a word to describe my feelings, yearnings, emptiness, love, and connection to another, and could not find it until today. Thank you for finally giving me the answer, as I can now finally feel assured that my feelings, and emotions are real.

  16. Deb
    June 1, 2013 at 8:25 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have been able to put words to my feelings. I have been trying to do this for far too long with no success. The description of Saudade fits perfectly. Thank you again!

  17. Stacie
    May 31, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    Beautiful! As has been said numerous times this makes perfect sense. I am a believer in that we there can be more than one soul mate. Thank you for finding this and sharing!!!

  18. Marie
    May 31, 2013 at 8:02 am

    according to Google – sow-da-jay

  19. Denise Martens
    May 29, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    I like what you have written about soul mates.
    My experiences have taught me to see similarly.
    I think it is good to make a list. That is something I haven’t done. On paper. I manifest mine in various expressions (physical and verbal!!). Some are still sitting in the corner for their time out! Where they will age some! Two lost or never had a soul that should be shared who sit there.
    Somehow, today, they were and are all important.

  20. John
    May 28, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    So many things that I’ve needed to know more about in one place…..what an unexpected blessing. Just need to know, how is “suadade” pronounced?

    • A Beautiful Mess Inside
      May 28, 2013 at 11:09 pm

      I wish I knew how to pronounce it. I don’t. Have you tried googling? If you get the answer, please let me know. Thanks!

  21. Sharon sturchio
    May 27, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    Wonderful article – an so timely for me. I had a revelation a few weeks ago that my brother (I was adopted as an infant and only met my biological family about 7 years ago) was my soulmate. I thought it weird at first but your article said exactly what I have been feeling. Thank you – again!

  22. May 27, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    It gives me hope another soul mate I am waiting for. Now if only he would hurry up I am tried of meeting someone that is not the right one………

  23. Patricia
    May 27, 2013 at 7:46 am

    A fabulous article from start to finish. You are the most realistic ‘mess’ I’ve ever encountered and I enjoy all your writings. You make me think – and that’s a good thing.

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