in Mindfulness, Madness, & Mumblings | ∞
More Mess Than Beauty
Today the beauty is way tangled up in the mess inside my head. I’ll be okay. But damn there are days when I truly hate impermanence and flux with a passion. This is one of them. I think the first time I heard someone say “this too shall pass” it was used in the context of bad shit being temporary. It has, however, since occurred to me that the same is true for the good stuff.
It’s not just that my wonderful week off and adventure on the Grand Canyon Sky Walk is over. It’s not just that my besties are no longer right down the strip from me. It’s not just that the kitchen sink is clogging, the water in the pool is currently a murky sea foam green, and patches of the grass on my front lawn are dead. It’s that my “all is right with the world” feeling can’t be nailed down and pinned to a bulletin board. Can I turn it into refrigerator magnet? Please… please… please?!
Damn I want to be flapping my wings over the Grand Canyon right now. I want to be lost in that bubble where time disappears because the company and conversation are just so incredibly perfect.
I know life doesn’t work that way and Adam Sandler got himself in a huge pickle in the movie Remote Control when he tried to rewind and fast forward in his life. But a girl can dream can’t she?!
I know I live in a universe where the only constant is change, but sometimes I want to dig my heels in. It feels like I’m in a one sided tug-of-war with the invisible powers that be. I’m hanging onto that rope. It’s leaving blisters as it’s being yanked out of my hands. Some of the voices in my head are screaming… “let go,” “release,” “accept what you cannot change,” “surrender”! But today I fight those voices even though I won’t win the battle. I will find a way to let go… because I don’t want to be dragged.
Music that Moves
Even though Rewind by Diane Birch is a “sad” love song, it soothes my soul. Sometimes I really do just want to push rewind. Don’t you?
There are times when I have a hard time accepting acceptance. Saying goodbye, letting go, walking away, moving on… I’m learning to accept these things. They feel like abandoments. Perhaps they are abandoments, but they are natural parts of life. They don’t happen “at” me. They happen “to” me. Big difference.
I took me a minute to process these bikes. When I saw them I wondered why there were so many vintage bikes on the rack, but they are the bikes of today on a college campus here in Texas. Then it clicked. Everything old is new again.
Right where they belong. Each morning at my side or feet. This morning Shorty didn’t seem the least bit phased that Freddie had his back leg across his throat. Shorty did, however, pop up to say hi to you.
What’s the October Creativity Challenge?
My friend Michelle at Mused is running the October Creativity Challenge. I love things like that and I’ve been missing clicking pics. The scenery around a woman laid up at home with a broken ankle doesn’t seem very stimulating, but with Michelle’s daily photo prompts I think I can make something happen here. I’m “motivated” to get my IPhone’s shutter moving!